Healing For the Fractured Soul – Session 5

Dynamics of Fractured & Dysfunctional Families

Join us Wednesday, June 4th, 2024
8:00 PM ET
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Every session up until now has been paving the way for the turbulent emotional ride you are about to embark on in this session. Tonight we will focus on how our family dynamics shaped who we are and how we interact with others; this is the hard part. Where were you on the sibling totem pole? How did your family set the stage for physical or sexual abuse? Did they address it well and help you heal when the abuse was discovered? Most of what we have covered can be worked through while sipping some tea on the veranda. However, if you have suffered emotional trauma, this might be an episode you watch alone or with someone you love and trust, with a notepad in one hand and some tissues in the other. The good news is that the Holy Spirit is our Great Counselor. Not only will he guide us in all truth, but bring healing to our hearts and help us be all that God created us to be.

Books being used in the series:


Dissociative Identity Disorder Mind Test CLICK HERE

Leah’s notes from tonight’s session below👇️

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Leah’s notes from tonight’s session

Guys, I am going to be honest. I told you this might be a hard one for you to get through but in putting this session together we are going to hit on some personal notes so forgive me if I am going with you more deeply on this journey than a traditional counselor would do.

As we have gone through our journey, I have been leaning on a couple books
Healing for the Wound Heart workbook by Dan B Allender and Help for the Fractured Soul by Candyce Roberts. Tonight we are going to break down some questions in Stage 3 of Allender’s book. He calls it Entering the Woods and says that this stage is longer and harder than most people anticipate. “You will have passed this stage when you can name how you were not protected and/or believed when the data should have been abundantly clear.” 

Tonight we dive into how your family operated, where you fit in, and any self-protecting vows you made in your childhood that most likely continue to operate in your life today. Strong emotion alert. Some of you have worked so hard to fit in your role that to do any deep emotion dives might cause an upset in the apple cart of family dynamics. Pray for wisdom and let the love of God lead you.

Some sample questions from pages 65-67 

Name the people in your family and describe them in a couple words at their best and worst, example…mom, dad, brother, sister- could also be anyone you grew up with that helped shape you, aunts, uncles, grandparents

Dr Syed Haider on our recent Outliers show talked a lot about intimacy but not in a sexual way. True intimacy is the feeling of being  cared for and understood.  Caregivers should also be able to handle a child’s emotional turbulence. This is called containment. When a parent cannot fulfil these roles a child will find another way through intelligence, athletics, beauty, irritation, silence, ect.  In what ways were these needs of intimacy and containment fulfilled in your life? 

How did you fill the gaps  to provide what you were missing?

How did your siblings find intimacy and containment? 

How did your siblings interact with you and your family? (looked up to you? Needed you? Resented you? Deceitful, envious, cruel?)

How did your parents relate to you? Did they confide in you? Look to you for support? Give you power, support, special gifts or privileges that were different from your siblings? 

Triangulation- the chosen child and the scapegoat
Within the dysfunctional family unit, this is the classic golden child-scapegoat dynamic. The unhealthy, toxic, and often narcissistic caregiver splits their own good self-image and bad self-image into two distinct parts and then projects them onto their children. Consequently, one child becomes the all-good, or golden child, and the other becomes the all-bad, or scapegoat.

The golden child is idealized, and can seemingly do no wrong. The scapegoat, however, is devalued, and only does wrong. The children themselves are of no consequence, and their preferences, personalities, feelings, and indeed their humanity are ignored, especially if they are in disagreement with the parents projection.

If there is only one child, then both bad and good may be projected onto the child, but not at the same time; if there are more than two children, then other children may be incorporated into the dynamic to different degrees. These projections may be stable over time, or unstable and change depending on how the caregiver currently feels about the child.


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